I'm back... sort of. I'm back to both conduct a photo blog essay/journey/experiment and also to find new footing. In looking to move forward into a new direction, I always need to look back to see where I've come from and examine closely my previous incarnations to see what they produced. In the process I make sure I retain the really good (such as my love for reading and writing) and I do away with the really bad. Sometimes the bad is a relationship, other times it can be as simple as a look: like my purple hair and crazy hairstyle and clothes during my singing as a backup for a few bands and punk rock days.
Why am I doing this now? Well, I just had a birthday last month and usually every number of years I make a decision and redirect my thoughts and focus in a different or more purposeful direction. That focus propels me forward onto a new chapter and sometimes in a direction.
Well, I’m on the verge of a new phase. I can taste and feel it. It starts with a dissatisfaction that moves onto unhappiness and then, something happens to create a pervasive sadness that once it longers for too long creates just an enormous weight on my sould that needs to be moved through and lifted. It started with job earlier this year, so I got a new one; a challenging position that uses all my skills in research, analysis, and writing to it’s fullest. Now I’m re-evaluating the rest of my life - from where I live to the people that are in my life.
The wonderful thing about living in this city is that it provides you with lots of diversions and distractions to help ease the sorrow, fear and confusion during this process, and lots of way to transform yourself once you know where you want to go. There's also lots of things you can use in the process if that's your bag, from self-help books and centers, to gurus or consultants and ending up with life coaches and past life regresstions. I wonder what my blogsis Tammi would have to say about that. Anyway, that's not for me.
Part of my process is to hit the reflecting pool of the East River with Lady Liberty waving at me from the water reminding me that many a people have passed this way before me looking for a change similar to mine and succeeded. From them I draw my inspiration and with journal in hand, a cup of joe, some writing, some thinking and some good old fashioned grieving for the things I have to let go I begin to let things gel wihtin me. Afterwards I give myself some good old fashioned pep talk for the things I need to do, so I can begin to prepare for the adventure I've tentatively and somewhat fearfully set out for myself. Then I'll take a much needed walk to let it all sink in, during that walk I commit to walk on that new path no matter how difficult, much like Frodo did, because in the end, the goal is there waiting for me, it's the journey.
You can’t live or be in this city without being touched by it’s intensity and occasional frenetic pace. No matter how you’re feeling, walk long enough along it’s streets and you’ll experience a mind/emotional shift.
So hold onto your seat belts and hats. The journey and adventure begins now!